Erica's Secret
by ellabelle12
Summary: Will a secret from Erica's past destroy her future? A/U
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1

The amount of alcohol they'd consumed that night was staggering.

She'd been sitting at the trendy Hollywood bar, drinking a glass of white wine and trying to forget a bad audition when he strolled up to her. She couldn't remember now what his pick up line had been, but she remembered that he said it with a southern drawl. He was handsome in an All-American sort of way – he was tall and muscular and had a great tan, blond hair and seductive blue eyes that sparkled when he smiled.

She wasn't interested in a relationship with anyone, especially not a law student. She had bigger things planned for herself: fame, stardom, a movie career, a glamorous life far away from dull Pine Valley. Still, there was something about the man sitting beside her at the bar. Chris Jackson, he told her that was his name. He'd left home – he glossed over his reasons for doing so – and struck out on his own, working his way through college and now law school. He made it sound very entertaining, but she suspected there was something more there.

She didn't push for more information. After all, she wasn't very forthcoming with him either. She hadn't even given him her real name. When he'd asked, she'd introduced herself as Cara Tyler. Yes, that worked. Cara was close enough to Erica to be easy to remember, and Tyler… well, her mother had just married a Dr. Tyler, so that was easy enough. You never knew who you might meet at a bar in LA – that man offering to buy you a drink could be a movie producer, or he could be just another smarmy man wanting to hook up with a hopeful, pretty starlet. Erica sized him up right away and knew that the blond man wasn't in the entertainment business, so there was no need to give him her real name. Cara worked just fine. It wasn't like she was looking for a relationship, after all.

She wasn't sure how it happened, but at some point during the evening, the law student by her side with his sexy southern drawl convinced her to try the bourbon he was drinking. He said it reminded him of the color of her eyes. The bartender brought her a glass of her own, and the next thing she knew, it was burning her throat and making her eyes water as she gulped it down.

After the first bourbon, the rest went down easier. She didn't dare try to match his pace – God, the man could drink. She didn't count drinks either, but she knew they'd had a lot to drink, and that they were both absurdly drunk by last call.

Later she'd use the alcohol as an excuse for what happened – they both had too much to drink, and they weren't thinking – but the truth was that she'd been lost to him from the moment she gazed into his gorgeous blue eyes, and she had to have him.

Years later, she really couldn't remember many of the details from their conversation at the bar. But what happened next, that she remembered in exquisite detail: The two of them in the hotel across the street from the bar, his lips on hers as he leaned into her, pushing her gently against the wall of the elevator. Then, in the hotel room…clothes drifting to the floor, his hands and lips on her, moving slowly and sensuously across her body. The feel of him on top of her as they moved together in a perfect rhythm - it was like nothing she'd ever experienced before. She never wanted it to stop.

She woke up the next morning with one hell of a hangover. He was already gone.

Erica put him out of her mind after that. There were only a few times after that one night when she thought about him. Until he showed up in Pine Valley. Until she walked down the stairs of her home and saw the handsome blond man with the twinkling blue eyes smiling at her.

It was him: the same man from the bar in LA almost a decade ago. She recognized him right away. He smiled at her as he introduced himself. Chris Jackson was really Jackson Montgomery. Travis's brother. Oh God, he was Travis's brother! She shook his hand, smiled and tried to pretend they'd never met, all the while wondering if he knew. Did he remember her? Did he know she was the same woman he'd made love to all night?

She never knew if he remembered her, because she never dared to bring it up in conversation, and he never mentioned it to her either. She was dying to know what he thought about that night, if he thought about it at all, hell if he even remembered it, but she couldn't do that. It would open too many old wounds, bring up subjects that she never wanted to discuss again. Some things were best left unsaid. Sometimes the past needed to stay buried.


	2. Chapter 2

Erica's world fell apart on an unseasonably warm day in early 1980. That was the day her agent told her she was fat, too fat to get any acting work. Sure, she had perhaps gained a few pounds, and sure, she hadn't been able to lose them, but she'd find a way to get the weight off. She was tired, more so than usual, but still, she felt fine. She told herself she was fine, and she probably could have made herself believe the lie if she'd been able to fasten her favorite pair of black pants. But she couldn't. She couldn't even come close. As she tore through her wardrobe, pair after pair of pants and jeans and skirts ended up in a heap on the floor of her small apartment. Nothing fit. At least not through the waist or the chest.

She told herself the trip to Planned Parenthood was just a precaution, just a way to cross off one possible reason for her weight gain. Then she'd know for sure that she was fine. Then she could go on a strict diet and start a new exercise plan to burn off the extra weight. If she'd been remotely introspective, she would have been able to see the signs, all of which pointed toward pregnancy.

The nurse telling her she was pregnant was thus a surprise to Erica. The doctor then examining her and telling her that she was at least five months pregnant, maybe six was enough of a shock that she fainted when she tried to get up from the exam table.

It was obviously too late for her to end the pregnancy, which was most definitely her first choice. Having and raising a baby by herself was out of the question. It would ruin her career. It would ruin her life. What would she tell people? Her mother would be horrified. Her husband had left her because she'd been secretly taking birth control pills, because she hadn't wanted a baby with him at that point in her life. There was no way she could go back to Pine Valley pregnant or with a baby in tow.

After the visit to Planned Parenthood, Erica holed up in her apartment with her date book. Five, maybe six months pregnant. She ran her hands through her hair nervously as she counted back the weeks and months and thought back to the gorgeous man in the bar, the blonde man with the sparkling blue eyes and dazzling smile, the law student who made love to her all night long and brought her to heights of passion she'd never before known were even possible. The man who left her the next morning. Chris Jackson.

She couldn't help but think it was a pity she hadn't met him when she'd first arrived in Los Angeles. If she had, she could simply go back to Pine Valley and present Tom with a baby. He'd have to take her back then, and she'd never have to tell anyone about her brief encounter with Chris. But time was not on her side.

With shaking fingers, she flipped through the phone book and began calling every C. Jackson in the phone book. She would find him. She had no choice but to have this baby, and he had a right to know. Maybe he'd want it. Maybe he'd want her. Being the wife of a law student wasn't exactly what she had in mind when she came to California, but there was something about him, something that she could hardly put into words. It wasn't love – she didn't know him well enough to love him – but there was definitely something there, a spark between them like she'd never experienced before. He seemed so adventurous, so exciting, so incredibly charming. She had no doubt that life with him would never be dull.

Days later, Erica lay sobbing across the bed in her apartment. She had called every C. Jackson in the Los Angeles area and every law school within 200 miles of Los Angeles. No one had a Chris Jackson currently enrolled, and no one knew who he was or where to find him. She'd given him a fake name that night, and obviously he'd given her one as well. Either that, or he'd lied about being in law school or lied about living in the area.

As a last-ditch effort, she went back to the bar where she'd met him, asking every bartender about him. They all looked at her blankly. This young woman expected them to remember a handsome blonde man who'd been there months ago? Impossible. This was Los Angeles – the city was full of handsome men, fair-haired and tanned surfer boys and wannabe actors. One particular one who visited the bar half a year earlier and might not have returned since? No, no one remembered him or knew anything about him.

After the visit to the bar, she'd run out of options. There was no way she'd ever find him again, and she had no intention of trying to raise a child on her own. Hell, she wasn't even sure if she wanted children at all. When she'd sobbed until she felt she had no more tears left, Erica picked up the phone and called the hospital she'd never wanted to visit again, the doctor she hadn't seen since that horrific summer when she was 14. The absolute last thing she wanted was to bring back those memories, to relive that time in her life, but she didn't know who else to call. She couldn't call her mother. She couldn't tell anyone. This had to be a secret. It had to stay a secret. Forever.

_Author's Note: In early 1980 on AMC, Erica Kane really did go to Hollywood to try her hand as an actress, and later went to a "fat farm" in Phoenix to lose weight while actress Susan Lucci was on maternity leave. The only change I've made to what occurred on the show - since we never saw what happened in California or Arizona - is the amount of time she was gone. In reality it was about 3 months of air time. Obviously I'm stretching that a bit for the sake of telling a story._


	3. Chapter 3

The baby was a girl, a tiny baby girl, not quite five pounds, and born prematurely in a Phoenix hospital. Her daughter. It was almost incomprehensible to her that she had a daughter. No, it wasn't her daughter. Not hers. She would never be hers. It was better that way, better for everyone, she told herself repeatedly both during the hospital stay and for years afterward.

The baby was kept in the NICU, in one of those little plastic incubators. Erica saw her only one time before she was discharged from the hospital. The baby would stay behind until she was healthy enough to be released to the adoption agency. Erica's baby girl had a beautiful golden complexion and only the sparsest bit of thin dark hair on her head. Erica wondered if her hair would stay brown or if she'd be a blonde like her father. No, not her father. He wasn't a father. He was just the man from the bar, the handsome law student from somewhere in South Carolina. The baby opened her eyes for Erica just once and only for a brief moment. They were a beautiful deep, dark blue, and she knew they'd likely turn brown like her own.

"Is she…" Erica wanted to ask the nurse about the fragile-looking baby, but she had trouble finding the words.

The nurse, a young woman who looked to be only a few years older than Erica, smiled sympathetically at her. "She's doing really very well, all things considered. She's very strong. Hopefully she won't have to stay in here too long before she can go home."

The incubator had a small pink index card taped to it that read "Baby Girl Kane." Erica ran her finger lightly over the card.

"Does she have a name?" The nurse asked her gently.

Erica felt numb as she shook her head.

"Well, that's understandable, her coming early and all. When you think of a name for her, you let us know and we'll put a new card there for her," the nurse said kindly.

Erica's eyes never left the baby but she could hear another nurse pull the first nurse aside and say in a not-so-hushed voice that this baby was going to be adopted. It was said in a shameful tone, as if the older nurse felt the dark-haired young woman in front of the incubator was somehow unworthy, of motherhood, of even naming this tiny child.

Erica knew her presence in the NICU was unwelcome. The baby was destined for adoption. Having the mother there would only make the inevitable separation harder. That was the prevailing thought at the time. She didn't question it, and she was too tired and too emotionally overwrought to argue with anyone.

She pressed two fingers to her lips and then slid her hand through the plastic glove attached to the incubator. She carefully touched her fingers to the baby's cheek, fighting back tears at the pitiful sound of the baby's wailing cry.

"I'm sorry," she whispered to the baby, her baby. "I do love you, but this really is for the best."

She rose carefully from her chair and walked on unstable legs to the NICU door. She paused, her hand on the doorknob as she turned to the younger nurse.

"Nurse?" she asked.

The woman looked up at Erica. "Yes?"

"The baby… her name is Jessica."

The nurse smiled at Erica. "Jessica. That's a beautiful name."

Erica nodded. "It's originally from Shakespeare," She said in a near whisper, her voice breaking slightly.

"Is it really? It suits her," the nurse said, still smiling kindly.

Erica looked back at the baby as she nodded. Her eyes were filling with tears. It was time to go. She could cry in private, behind the closed door of her hospital room. The sound of the NICU door closing felt so final. She looked at her baby through the glass one last time.

"Goodbye Jessica," she whispered.

It was the one and only time she saw her daughter.


	4. Chapter 4

July 2003

"Greenlee? What the hell do you think you're doing?" Erica hissed.

The petite blonde narrowed her eyes at the bride and groom. "He asked if anyone objected. Well, I object, Erica," she said, her voice dripping with venom.

"I object to you marrying my father," she said as she looked from a furious Erica to a suddenly stunned Jack.

"I object to you being my father," she spit out at Jack before turning with a vengeance toward Erica. "And I most definitely object to you being my mother."

Kendall and Bianca looked at each other in confusion. Mother? What the hell was Greenlee talking about? There was no way… was she really saying that Jack and Erica were her parents? That made no sense.

Erica's eyes went wide with shock. This was not happening. This could not be happening. Greenlee Smythe DuPres? Her daughter? Jack's daughter? No, not this. This wasn't possible. She shook her head, praying that this was all a nightmare. Any minute now she'd wake up in her bed. This was all just a bad dream. Wake up, wake up, she told herself in silent horror.

Jack glared at Greenlee. "I don't know what you're trying to pull here, but this is not possible, Greenlee. You are not my daughter, and you sure as hell aren't Erica's daughter," he said angrily through near-gritted teeth. A child with Erica was something he'd wanted from the moment he fell in love with her, but it had never happened. He doubted now that it ever would happen, not at this point in their lives when their respective children were grown or close to it.

He looked down at his bride, at the woman he'd loved and adored for so many years, waiting expectantly for her to repeat his statement, to curse Greenlee for the absurdity of her accusations. Erica was frozen still, the color drained from his face. Her eyes were wide with shock, and she didn't seem to be able to speak.

Erica stared at Greenlee. It wasn't possible, she told herself again. Her baby, her Jessica, was placed for adoption. Greenlee wasn't adopted. She was Roger and Mary Smythe's daughter.

Despite her near-certainty that Greenlee was perpetrating a huge scam designed to destroy lives, there was a very tiny part of Erica's mind that was studying the young woman in front of her, comparing her features to what she could recall of the premature baby she'd left behind. Greenlee had Erica's petite build and big brown eyes. She had dark blonde hair a few shades darker than Jack's. She had the same golden complexion that Jack had.

Erica's mind raced with the possibilities. Greenlee had enormous drive and ambition, so very similar to her own. Greenlee had a brilliant creative mind for cosmetics and for business, and she'd never shied away from doing or saying anything. Greenlee had driven Erica crazy since her return to Pine Valley after college, and Erica had once nearly slapped Leo DuPres for suggesting that the reason she didn't get along with Greenlee was because they were so much alike. God, was it possible? Could Greenlee really be her daughter? Her Jessica?

"Sweetheart?" Jack asked gently, as he looked down at her.

She finally tore her eyes from Greenlee's face and looked up at her fiancé. His eyes were filled with love for her, but she could see the confusion on his handsome face.

"Jack, I…" her voice trailed off. What was she supposed to say? How could she possibly explain this to him now? She couldn't, not in front of everyone, not with Greenlee standing there, so malicious.

"Come on Erica," Greenlee taunted. "I've never known you to be at a loss for words before."

"Greenlee, shut up," Kendall hissed. "This is not the time or place for this."

"Why not, Kendall?" Greenlee said in a falsely chipper voice. "After all, this is a wedding, and weddings are all about family aren't they? My dearly beloved parents are tying the knot. Why shouldn't I be a part of this joyous celebration?"

"Just stop it, Greenlee!" Bianca demanded. She was so angry over this outburst that her hands trembled as she held her bouquet and that of her mother's. "My mom and Uncle Jack do not deserve this. I know you hate my mom, but this is beyond wrong!"

Greenlee turned to Bianca. "Binky – can I call you Binky? I know Kendall does," Greenlee said bitterly. "Congrats – you've got another big sister. Although I guess this makes us both sisters and cousins, since your mother – excuse me – OUR mother – really gets around."

"Okay, that's it," Kendall said, shoving her bouquet at Bianca. She grabbed Greenlee by the arm and did her best to drag her friend and business colleague out of the room.

Greenlee jerked her arm free from Kendall and shouted at her. "Ask her, Kendall! Ask her about the baby she had in between you and Binks, the baby she ditched, the baby she left behind. Hey, we've at least got that in common, dear friend and sister. She didn't want you, and she didn't want me either. You thought she didn't want you because your father was a perverted rapist, well, guess what – Jack's not a rapist, and she didn't want me either. Apparently Binky is the only Kane kid worth keeping."

The pain and anger in Greenlee's voice touched something in Kendall. She knew that pain, knew it all too well, the pain of knowing that you were abandoned by the one person who was supposed to love you unconditionally, the pain of knowing that your identity, your whole life had been a lie. As she stared at her friend, Kendall knew Greenlee's words had a ring of truth to them.

Kendall looked at Erica. "Mother?" she asked.

Erica knew everyone was staring at her, waiting for a response from her. What was she supposed to say? She opened her mouth to speak, but the words wouldn't come out. The room suddenly spun around her, and then mercifully, everything went black.


	5. Chapter 5

_Author's Note: I know Greenlee was a surprise to most people, but this idea was spawned when I saw a photo of a young Susan Lucci in which she looked a great deal like Rebecca Budig. I started looking at photos of both actresses/characters, and I saw a tremendous resemblance between them. The final straw for me was when my husband walked into the room when I was watching Jack and Erica's wedding on SoapNet, pointed to Greenlee and said "I'm guessing she's their kid and the rest are his or hers or adopted or something."_

_For the sake of this story, Greenlee was Jack's blood donor after the shooting, but Erica doesn't know that._

It was Greenlee's turn to stare in shock as Erica collapsed on the floor. She found herself pushed out of the way as Jackson and then Joe Martin both rushed forward to attend to Erica.

Of course, even in a situation like this, Erica would have all of the attention, Greenlee thought bitterly.

Greenlee tried to follow Joe and Jack as Jack carried an unconscious Erica out of the room, but Reggie stopped her, grabbing her by the arm.

"Yo Greenpea, I don't think so. You back the heck off J.," He said.

"Let go of me," She snapped, jerking her arm back from his grasp.

"What is wrong with you?" Bianca exclaimed. Her face was white, and her hands trembled as she stared at Greenlee. "How could you do this? How could you?"

"We're leaving. NOW," Kendall said. She and Reggie both stepped forward then, grabbing Greenlee's arms and steering her out of the room and away from the assembled – and shocked – wedding guests.

They ended up in an empty conference room down the hall from the Valley Inn's ballroom where the wedding had been interrupted.

"Are you high? Are you abusing some form of prescription drug? Have you had a complete and utter mental breakdown?" Kendall demanded. "Because I'm trying to come up with the slightest, remotest rational explanation for what just happened in there, and so far, I've got nothing."

"I told you," Greenlee spit out. This entire event had her adrenaline pumping now, and she wasn't about to back down. "Jackson Montgomery and Erica Kane are my dearly beloved parents."

"That's not possible! Stop LYING" Bianca insisted. The very thought of Greenlee Smythe DuPres being her sister was nauseating. Greenlee who'd blackmailed her, Greenlee who'd framed her for pushing Laura English overboard, Greenlee who'd taunted her over her sexual preference, Greenlee who'd outed her to a trashy tabloid. No, there was no way Greenlee could be her sister. Surely the universe wouldn't be that cruel.

"It is, and I can prove it," Greenlee retorted.

"Uncle Jack and mom didn't even MEET EACH OTHER until she was pregnant with me, Greenlee, so there's no way this twisted scenario could have the slightest bit of truth to it," Bianca said.

"That's where you're wrong Binks," Greenlee said.

She opened her red handbag and pulled out a folded piece of paper.

"Kendall, I know you're very familiar with this document. I know you have one just like it," Greenlee said acidly as she unfolded the paper and held it out for Kendall, Bianca and Reggie to see. "Same state and everything. Probably even same hospital."

"It's a fake," Reggie said dismissively, refusing to even look at the paper Greenlee proffered. "You pay enough money, you can get anyone to fake anything. I don't believe it for a second. I could probably get some guy to make me some fancy papers saying Erica gave birth to me too."

Kendall stared at the document in shock. The top of the page read "Irrevocable Consent to Adoption." She scanned down the page to where it said "Birthmother: Erica Kane," followed by Erica's signature. Some changes had been made to the form in between Kendall's birth and Greenlee's, but it was otherwise very similar to the same form she had, the same form that had first alerted her years ago that her mother was really none other than her idol, Erica Kane.

Kendall felt her heart lurch at the memory of the day, ten years earlier, when she'd finally spit the truth at Erica, when she'd finally thrust a similar document at the woman she both adored and despised. Erica had been hateful. She'd refused to believe that Kendall was really her daughter. So far she wasn't reacting much better to this news.

Kendall scanned the document again, and realized with a sharp pang of jealousy that – assuming this document was real – Erica had named this baby.

"Jessica Elizabeth Kane," She said slowly. "Elizabeth was Mona's middle name."

"Yeah, Mona and how many other women? Kendall, Elizabeth is like the most common white girl name of all time," Reggie insisted as Bianca looked over Kendall's shoulder at the document.

"Greenlee this form, it says "Birthfather Unknown," Bianca said. "Even IF this form is real, and I don't for a second believe that it is, how could you possibly get from this that my mom and my Uncle Jack had a child together?"

"Oh, yes, that," Greenlee said sarcastically. "Actually, I have you to thank for that, Kendall. When Jack was shot and Erica made a heartfelt plea for blood donors, Kendall dragged me to the hospital with her. Lo and behold, guess who matched."

Bianca stared at Greenlee.

"That doesn't mean anything," She insisted.

"Well, go tell that to Joe Martin, because according to him, the odds of an unrelated donor in our same small town having that same rare subtype are next to nothing. The odds that I'm NOT Jack's daughter are, let's see, about 10,000 to 1. It's why Erica went to the media and begged people to donate – she knew what the odds were. Hell Binks, you're his niece and you aren't even a match. But I am," Greenlee said. "Joe showed me the test run on my blood and Jack's. We're a match."

"Okay, so you have the same rare blood subtype. That doesn't prove that you're father and daughter, and um, hello, you aren't adopted," Reggie said.

Greenlee held up her hand to shush him.

"About that… apparently I am. My mother, excuse me, Mary Smythe, didn't bother to tell me until I happened to be a donor for Jackson. When I found out Jack and I are a match, I accused her of sleeping around on my father. It turns out I'm not really a Greenlee or a Smythe," She said, pulling out another set of papers from her purse.

"Mommy and Daddy dearest needed an heir to wrangle an inheritance out of my grandparents, and Mary couldn't be bothered with nasty inconvenient things like pregnancy and childbirth. My own grandparents don't know I'm not really related to them. Disgusting, isn't it?" She said bitterly.

Kendall took the papers from Greenlee with a stunned expression on her face. Pennsylvania's adoption papers didn't look exactly like hers from Florida, but the documents in her hand were notarized and signed documents indicating that Roger and Mary Smythe were adopting a minor child, known as Jessica, born in Phoenix, Arizona. The next form was Greenlee's birth certificate, listing Phoenix as her place of birth.

Kendall glanced back at the termination of parental rights. The birthdate on Greenlee's birth certificate matched the birthdate for the baby listed on Erica's form. The word "AMENDED" was stamped in black letters across the top of the birth certificate. Kendall swallowed hard when she saw it. Her own birth certificate listing Alice and Frank Hart as her parents had that same word stamped across the top. Amended. Fake. A real birth certificate with fake parents. A legal lie spelled out on paper.

Kendall's hands shook as she stared at the papers. She looked up at Greenlee and recognized in her friend the same hurt, the same pain, the same anger and betrayal that she'd felt for so long.

"Oh my God," was all she could say.


	6. Chapter 6

Erica awoke in the hotel room where she'd dressed for her wedding earlier. A familiar and friendly face stared down at her.

"Joe?" She asked in confusion.

Joe Martin nodded down at her. "Erica – lie still. You fainted, but you'll probably be fine in a minute. There doesn't seem to be anything medically wrong with you."

She tried to sit up only to feel his hands on her shoulders, pushing her back down against the pillows. "You still don't listen to anyone, do you?" He said with an amused shake of his head.

"I think she'll be fine. She's all yours," Joe said to someone else as he moved out of her field of vision.

"Jack?" she asked, trying to sit up again. Joe was so impractical – lying down like this was going to completely ruin her hair, and that was unacceptable, especially on her wedding day. She was going to marry Jack today, no matter what.

"I'm right here, sweetheart," Jack said, as he moved to sit down on the edge of the bed, facing her. He took her hand in his. "Are you okay? Do you remember what happened?"

She looked up at him, at his concerned expression. He wasn't furious with her. That was a good thing.

She pressed her fingers to her forehead. "I… I fainted."

"Yeah, you did, after Greenlee interrupted the wedding," he said.

"Where is Greenlee?" she whispered.

He shook his head. "I don't know, but she's lucky Kendall, Bianca and Reggie didn't rip her limb from limb for that insane outburst. I don't know what she was trying to accomplish with that."

She could hear the anger in his voice, and she bit her bottom lip as she tried to decide what to do. As far as she could tell, there were two possibilities at play here: either Greenlee really WAS her daughter – their daughter – or she'd somehow found out about Erica's long-lost baby and was trying to torment her with that information. An outburst like that though, that didn't seem like Greenlee's style, not if she was plotting to use information about the pregnancy against Erica. She'd be more subtle than that, more calculating. No, Erica thought, Greenlee's outburst was the sort of thing she'd do if she were really and truly furious.

"Did she – did she have any proof? Anything to back up this claim?" She asked Jack quietly. She had no idea how long she'd been unconscious, but it had to have been at least a few minutes. Long enough for Jack to move her to the bride's room and for Joe to check her out. Greenlee wouldn't have made an accusation like that without some sort of proof. The question now was to whom had she shown it? Certainly to Bianca and Kendall by now.

Jack shook his head at her. "Why would you even ask that? This claim – that we're her parents – is so patently ridiculous. There couldn't possibly BE any proof," he said, his voice incredulous. "Hell, I didn't even meet you until you were pregnant with Bianca and engaged to my brother!"

He froze when he saw the look on her face, that uncertain, withdrawn, and guilty expression. He pulled his hand back from hers.

"Erica?" he asked in a low voice. "I know that look. You're scaring me. What aren't you telling me?"

"The bar. In Los Angeles," she whispered, unable to tear her eyes from his.

He stared back at her, uncomprehending.

"What?"

"You said your name was Chris Jackson," she whispered.

He opened his mouth to speak, but no words came out.

Chris Jackson. Los Angeles. He had flashes of memory from that night, of the brunette sitting alone at the bar. She was the most strikingly beautiful woman he'd ever met, and he'd been drawn to her in a way he couldn't possibly begin to explain. He got her to drink bourbon, and he took her to the hotel across the street. He didn't remember many details from that night, but the sex, well, that he'd never forgotten. He'd connected both physically and emotionally with that woman in a way he'd never experienced before. It had been incredible. What had her name been? Karen? No… that wasn't it.

"Cara," he whispered, not really meaning to say the name aloud.

Erica nodded at him. "Cara Tyler," she said quietly.

He stared at her in shock. "That was YOU?"

He put a hand to his mouth in shock as he watched her nod.

She tried to blink back tears. She wasn't sure if she should be thankful that his memories of that night hadn't been lost to a haze of alcohol and the fog of time or if she should be insulted that in all of their time together, he'd never made the connection that she was that woman in his arms all those years ago.

"Why?" he asked. "Why, after all of this time did you not say something to me? Why didn't you tell me that was you?"

She shook her head slightly and looked away. "You never said anything either. I just assumed you'd forgotten."

Forgotten? Please. He never forgot that night, forgot "Cara." He had been drawn to her in the bar, and by some miracle, she hadn't thrown her drink in his face. He'd hoped for a romantic interlude with her, but he'd been unprepared for just how incredible they'd be together, how complete he'd feel with her in his arms. He had been so overwhelmed by the surge of emotion he felt for her, for this woman he barely knew, that he'd fled the hotel room before she woke up that morning. He'd regretted walking out on her like that, regretted it so much that he'd gone back to the hotel a few hours later to apologize to her. By the time he returned, she'd already left.

Over the years, he'd thought repeatedly about trying to find her again, but he never did, and he never felt like that with another woman – until he fell in love with Erica Kane. Now he knew why.

Jack stood up from the bed and slowly paced the room as he tried to remember the details of that long-ago night of passion. What did that have to do with… he turned and stared at Erica.

"You got pregnant." He said.


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

Erica swung her legs over the side of the bed and sat up, facing away from him. Even where he stood, Jack could see her body tense at his words.

He half-expected, half-hoped that she'd shake her head at him, that she'd tell him no, of course not, but her silence spoke volumes.

"You were pregnant, with my… my baby?" he asked, stumbling over the word 'baby.' He had hoped that by saying it aloud, the words would somehow make sense to him, but they didn't.

He watched as her head bowed and her fingers clenched the bedding beneath her.

"Jackson? Erica? Is Erica alright?"

Jack and Erica both turned toward the door and Opal barged in.

"Oh, honey, I am so glad to see you sitting up. You gave us quite a scare!" Opal gushed.

Jack put a hand firmly on Opal's shoulder. "This is not a good time."

"Kendall went to try to talk some sense into Greenlee, and that sweet gal of yours… Erica, Bianca told everyone to stay put, that the wedding was gonna go on as planned in a jiffy," Opal said in Erica's direction with a reassuring smile. Her best gal pal was just sitting there on the bed, not looking at anyone and not moving. Opal looked up at Jackson and then back again at Erica. This was bad. This was very, very bad.

Jack escorted Opal out of the room. She wanted to know what to tell the guests. What the hell did he care about their guests? What was happening in this room was far more important.

He locked the door behind Opal and turned back to his fiancé.

"Why didn't you tell me?" He demanded.

She finally turned her head and looked up at him. "I didn't know I was pregnant until I was, well, too far along to do anything about it. I called every law school in southern California when I found out I was pregnant," she said evenly. "I couldn't find you. All I knew is that you'd either lied about being in law school or you'd lied about your name."

"Erica, that was more than 20 years ago! We've been engaged more than once since then. Why didn't you tell me that you got pregnant?" He said, trying to keep the shock and the anger out of his voice.

She stared hard at him. "You never mentioned it. Not once, Jack, in all this time, did you give me any indication that you knew I was the young woman in the bar in California, the woman you took to bed. You left the next morning before I woke up. You literally left me ALONE," she said, trying to keep her voice steady. "For all I knew, you were horribly embarrassed about it and never wanted to see me again."

She stood up and smoothed the front of her wedding dress. "I was pregnant with Bianca, with your brother's child, when I met you again in Pine Valley. What did you want me to say? 'Oh by the way, do remember that time we met in California, gave each other fake names and had drunken sex? Yeah, that? You knocked me up.' Be reasonable, Jackson."

He clenched his jaw in frustration before yelling at her. "Be REASONABLE? Erica, a woman you despise, a woman I don't particularly care for, just burst into our WEDDING and announced in front of all of our family and friends that she is our DAUGHTER. And now, despite being with you off and on for more than a decade, I am just now hearing that you got pregnant as a result of a drunken one night stand we had in our youth. I think we're far beyond reasonable right now!"

She cringed at his words and at the tone of his voice. He was right – she should have told him. He had a right to know. When she knew who he was, when she met him again in Pine Valley, she should have told him the truth. She'd had a million reasons why she had kept Jessica's existence to herself over the years, and if Jack pushed, she'd defend her choice to him, but deep down, she knew that he'd had a right to know, that she should have somehow found a way to tell him the truth. She just never could figure out how to do it.

As more and more time passed, the idea of telling him became more and more frightening to her, until at least she reached a point at which she decided that Jessica could and would stay in the past. Not even Kendall's entry into her life could dissuade Erica from keeping Jessica's existence a secret. There were plenty of adopted children who grew up happy and loved and who had no interest in searching for their birthparents. There were plenty of adoptees who were quite happy with the life they'd been given, and who saw no need to ask questions about their origins. Jessica was one of those happy adoptees, she told herself. Jessica would never come looking for her, and she could let the past stay buried.

Jack drew in a long, slow breath, trying to steady his emotions as he rubbed his temples. "Is it possible?" He asked her, his voice barely a whisper. "Could Greenlee be our daughter?"

Her eyes widened at his words. Surely he wasn't going to believe the rantings of a crazed woman like Greenlee DuPres!

"Jack…" she started. "Greenlee… she couldn't possibly be… She's Roger and Mary Smythe's daughter" Erica struggled to find the words. "No, it's not possible!"

Jack sat down in a chair on the opposite side of the room from Erica and put his head in his hands. "I need you to tell me everything. I need to know what happened to… it," he said, his voice slightly muffled by his hands. He nearly choked on the last word. He couldn't even bring himself to say the words, 'our baby.'

For years he'd wanted nothing more than to be with Erica, to build a life with her, to have a family with her. And now he was learning – on their wedding day no less - that they'd created a life together, that the family he'd wanted with Erica had been there all along, just out of his grasp. Pain stabbed at his chest at the realization that he shared a child with Erica, a child he'd never known, a child who had been lost to both of them.

"It was… it was a girl?" He asked in a near whisper.

Erica wrapped her arms around herself and looked away.

The "yes" that escaped her lips was barely audible.

Erica sank back onto the bed, sitting on the edge of the mattress. Her legs were shaking too much to stand on her own.

Jack leaned back in his chair and stared at Erica, at the stunned look on her face and the faraway gaze in her eyes. His stomach twisted in knots as he waited for her to continue.

"I went to Phoenix. My mother thought I was at a health spa."

"Mona didn't know?" He asked, shocked by this news. He knew how close Erica and Mona had been, the lengths she'd gone to in order to protect Erica when Erica had been pregnant with Kendall as a result of rape.

Erica shook her head. "She'd just remarried. My marriage had fallen apart. Again. Tom left me because I didn't want to have a baby, and I ended up pregnant by some man whose real name I didn't even know," She said bitterly. "I wasn't about to tell my mother the truth."

"Did ANYONE know the truth?" He demanded.

"What was I supposed to do, Jack? I didn't have any real symptoms of pregnancy. I didn't know I was pregnant until it was far too late for an abortion. If I'd known right away, frankly, I would have ended the pregnancy."

She watched as he cringed at her words. It was true, she really would have ended the pregnancy if she could have, but perhaps she shouldn't have been so blunt.

"Jack, I didn't think I wanted to have children at all. Having one and raising it by myself, when I didn't even know the father's real name wasn't an option," She said, trying to explain her abortion remark. It was probably pointless trying to make him understand, she realized as she looked at the tortured expression on his face. He was a man - he'd never have to suffer through an unplanned pregnancy or a secret birth, not the way she had. Men had it so easy in comparison.

"So you just gave our daughter away and never looked back," He said, the disgust clear in his voice and on his face.


	8. Chapter 8

_Author's Note: I am so sorry for the delay in posting. Right after I posted chapter 7, my own personal life took a very soap opera-ish turn, and let's just say that life doesn't always turn out the way we thought it would. I hope to continue this story, but my posting will likely be sporadic. I hope you'll stick with me until the end. _

__Chapter 8

Erica's head shot up at his words, and she turned on him in fury.

"That is NOT how it was! How dare you! You have NO IDEA what it was like for me, how I felt or how I suffered, all ALONE!"

"Then TELL ME Erica, because damn it, I'm having a hard time understanding how you could give away our child and never breathe a word of it to me!" He yelled at her.

He stood up then and paced across the room, the tension evident in his body. On the second pass across the hotel room, he turned to look at her.

"I'm waiting," He said.

She looked at him helplessly. How in the world could she make him understand why she'd kept this secret? Her chest tightened in a panic.

"I couldn't…" She started to say in a quiet voice.

"I… Jack there was no way to tell you. I was having a baby with your brother. I never thought you and I would end up together," She said. "I was trying to protect the baby I was having with Travis, protect my relationship with him."

Jack shook his head in disgust. "And even after his death, I'm still in competition with Travis. So you're telling me that your baby with him was more important."

"That's not what I'm saying," She said. She stood up then and went to him. She wanted to reach out to him, put a hand on his arm, touch him, draw him close to her, but she was afraid to do so. She'd never seen him this angry before.

"Jack, what we had, when you came to Pine Valley, it was just… it was one night. We had both moved on with our lives, and I wanted to put the past behind me. If I'd told you the truth then, what good could have come from it?"

"What GOOD?" He exploded. "My God, are really that self-centered, that selfish?"

"Excuse me?" She was taken aback at his words.

"You think no GOOD could have come from me knowing that I had a child out there somewhere? And she was still a child then, wasn't she? She would have been…" He paused, doing the math in his head. "She would have been in elementary school then, right? You didn't think I had a right to know?"

Erica folded her arms over her chest, trying to hold herself together.

"What would you have done? What Jack? It was a closed adoption. I had no idea who the agency chose as adoptive parents. You weren't listed on the birth certificate because I didn't even know your real name. Would you have sued the agency? Tried to track down that little girl? Tried to undo the adoption? Disrupt and wreck her life?" She asked.

She was well aware that contested adoptions had been overturned before, sometimes even after the child had been in the adoptive home for months or even years. News reports of those overturned adoptions, complete with heart-wrenching videos of sobbing children being torn from the only home they'd ever known, tore at her heart. She had no desire to see Jessica suffer that same fate if Jack knew the truth and tried to contest the adoption.

"If I'd told you the truth then, with the state of your relationship with Travis, it could have destroyed the relationship he and I had, and Bianca would have been denied her father," She added, hoping to play on his sympathy and his love for Bianca.

Jack pinched the bridge of his nose in frustration, a gesture she recognized as his attempt to calm down enough for rational conversation.

"If I'd known the truth and destroyed your relationship with Travis, you might not have ended up losing custody years later, Erica. Do you get that? That whole mess with Barbara and Travis and the custody trial might never have happened."

"Perhaps, or he could have taken Bianca from me as a baby, and I'd have that to cope with on top of you fighting the adoption and ruining Jessica's life!" She retorted.

Jack's head shot up then and he stared at her in shock.

"What did you say?" He asked hoarsely.

Erica stared back at him, unsure which part he wanted her to repeat.

His blue eyes filled with tears as he looked at the woman he'd wanted for so long to marry.

"You… you said 'Jessica,'" He said in a hoarse whisper.


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9

Erica swallowed hard. She hadn't meant to let the baby's name slip out.

"I don't know her name," She said slowly.

"You said 'Jessica,'" He repeated.

Erica bit down on her bottom lip for a second before deciding that she might as well tell him the truth. They were too far gone at this point for anything else, she figured.

"The nurses asked me for a name, at the hospital. I don't know... It was the first thing that came to me. Jessica Elizabeth. I knew it would be changed by the adoptive parents, but I…" Her voice trailed off as memories of the fragile baby in the NICU flooded her mind. She'd never even had the chance to hold her baby, their baby. She regretted that now, that she'd never been able to hold the baby, that she hadn't had the opportunity to kiss her cheeks or touch her silky wisps of hair or inhale that sweet newborn baby smell. At the time she never thought she'd ever see that man - Chris Jackson - again. If she'd only known, if she'd had any way of foreseeing the future she'd have with him, she'd have done so many things differently.

Despite her best efforts to control her emotions, a tear slid down her cheek. She looked down and quickly wiped it away and drew in a deep breath.

"I did what I thought was best _for her_. I named her, and I turned her over to a reputable adoption agency who assured me that she'd be adopted by loving parents desperate for a child."

Jack scoffed at her words.

"Loving parents? Not exactly the words I'd use to describe Roger and Mary Smythe," He said in disgust.

Erica shook her head adamantly at him.

"Jack, I don't know HOW Greenlee found out about this, but I assure you, Greenlee DuPres is NOT our daughter!"

"Erica, do you hear yourself? Do you hear how incredibly obtuse you sound?" He asked incredulously. "Greenlee DuPres interrupted our wedding to tell us that SHE is our DAUGHTER. How else could she know? You're telling me that Mona didn't even know you were pregnant, but somehow GREENLEE knows? There is no other explanation, Erica. She has to be."

Erica watched as Jack stopped mid-sentence and looked at her.

"I've got to find her," He said suddenly.

"Jack, I'm telling you, Greenlee is NOT Jessica!" Erica insisted.

Jack stopped and looked at Erica, looked her up and down, from the beautiful wedding gown she was wearing to the look of distress on her face. This was the woman he'd loved for more than a decade, the woman to whom he'd proposed so many times, the woman he'd planned to make his wife today. A wave of nausea washed over him as the magnitude of her lie sunk in.

All of these years, all of this time, she'd kept this secret. He'd been by her side when the revelation that Kendall was her daughter, that she'd borne a child conceived in a brutal rape, came to light. He'd been by her side when she lost custody of Bianca. He'd been there for her when Mona died and when she battled an addiction to prescription drugs. He'd helped her through an attempted murder trial and tried to keep her safe when her rapist showed up again in Pine Valley. Throughout it all, she'd never told him. Not once had she even come close to hinting that years ago, they'd conceived a child together, that somewhere out there, they shared a child, a healthy, beautiful, brilliant daughter. A daughter he'd never been given the opportunity to parent or to love. He tried not to think of all of the missed opportunities - all of the Christmas mornings he'd never spent with his daughter, all of the first days of school he'd missed, all of the skinned knees and hurt feelings he'd never had a chance to try to heal.

He shook his head sadly at Erica.

"I can't look at you anymore. I have to find my daughter," He said quietly. The look of despair and rejection on her beautiful face tore at his heartstrings, but he refused to give in to her. He ignored her pleas to stop, to talk about this some more as he turned on his heel and walked out of the room, slamming the door behind him.


End file.
